Today I was having a bit of a crisis over yoga. I know, I know. YOGA. For crying out loud, yoga is supposed to be relaxing, right? Well today it caused me some little bit of stress.
There is a gym near my house that is giving free yoga classes during the month of December (score!) and my friend invited me to go on Monday. It had been aaaaages since I had last been to a yoga class (Years. Ages=Years. Before Amelia was born. Ok, ok. before she was even conceived.) but I went with her and another friend, and loved it. I've always had some degree of insecurity about my body and I've never been at all sporty (tangent: I played field hockey and basketball in school because my friends did. I lived in absolute dread that they would actually make me play in a game.) and I have no natural talent for those kinds of activities. But at the yoga class, I was astounded to realize that even though I hadn't stepped into a gym in ages, even though I didn't stretch out or do anything at home, I was already pretty good at yoga. I have next to no muscle to come to my aid, it is true, so I need to up my strength, but I am naturally very flexible and I was able to do more advanced poses that I thought would be impossible for me to do. (Put my head where? It doesn't reach... what? Wow, ok, never mind. I guess it does.) The idea that you are naturally good at something is a powerful force!
This all sounds like a good thing! Why the stress, Emily? Honestly, its partially because I don't know a whole lot about yoga: its history and its background, but sometimes yoga gets associated with mysticism and beliefs that, as a Christian, I don't subscribe to. I wonder whether I should be doing yoga when it doesn't necessarily align with my beliefs. That is the crux of my difficulties, and certainly the most important and weighty part.
There is also a part of me (a more vain part to be sure) dreads becoming a certain "type" of person. Oh, gosh this sounds so stupid, to write out, but its true! Over the past couple of years, I have been getting more environmentally conscious (the words "crunchy" and "hippie" have been used MANY times), more minimalist in my ideas, and more liberal on a political scale. I use reusable grocery bags, make my own laundry detergent, wash my hair with baking soda and vinegar, use essential oils, have gotten rid of a crap ton of stuff and am constantly on the lookout for more to donate to goodwill, buy secondhand, research companies before I buy from them to ensure that they don't encroach on human rights, only eat fair trade chocolate... this is just a taste, the list goes on. I'm not bragging or anything, these don't make me a better person, they are just things I do. It just seems uncanny how seamlessly yoga fits in. My husband says he's been "waiting for this to happen for awhile now" (along with me getting rid of all my bras it is true, but however comfortable that would be that is so not happening. This girl cannot go about with the ladies hanging free.) Its just one more piece that would make me "that type of person" (whatever "that type is") and it bothers me that maybe I'm not terribly unique.
OK, so that was my rant. And some parts of it read as badly as I feared it would, but there you go. Oversharing, maybe. But a real look into my head. Make of it what you will.
Oh, one more thing though... I'd be remiss if I didn't say how grateful I am to my husband for being my sounding board with all of this madness. Talking with him always makes me feel a bit better, and even a bit more sane. Love you, Andy!
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